harping on issues

This is going to be one hell of a rant.

Life's not fair, and never fair, but when will I learn to get over that fact?

It's been a rather long time.

But I still can't bear to witness a lifetime's worth of ambitions, effort, and breaking rules come to naught. Especially when you don't end up back at the starting point, ground zero. All you get is more shit.

Which, by the way, is worse than where you originally began.

In this way, I'm sure that kindness does not beget kindness.

Okay, okay. So now you think you know what I'm getting at and you're feeling worried for me and suspect my mental capabilities because I'm ranting about none other than Zack and the whole disastrous incident.

Actually, these kind of rants take place all the time, just not here and now. The usual venue is at Brain Building. Or maybe even with the other fans.

I don't know, but I just so affected by that guy, and I sometimes think it's ridiculous but no, knowing that doesn't help me on things.

His self-confidence bothers me. The friendship bothers me. And the whole starking contrast between him and most people bothers me a lot. Especially when you start thinking about how Cloud couldn't have done this, done that, if not for him. He wouldn't even be alive in the first place. Heh, if Zack was a little more self-centered I would think Cloud would be left in the basement of ShinRa mansion for the rest of his lifetime, which I don't think will be long. He would either totally break down, become another Sephiroth, or just die a torturous death.

But, unfortunately.

Zack is the kind guy, Cloud's best friend, Sephiroth's war buddy, and would do everything within his capabilities to help his friends. I have a feeling that this has something to do with his family relations. I've just found out that he ran away from home when he (I would bet) was barely a teen, wanting to join SOLDIER, to fulfil his ambition. He ran away, writing back only after he did it. He did it, in the end. This was the face of success, at that time. He faced it all, and he did it.

But I didn't think he would want to face the world by himself. That was where his friends came in. With family out of your life, you would have to expect that he regards friendship with some importance. On all those missions, he was both well-known because of his First Class rank, and his personality. Even the Turks could feel it resonating off him.

In fact, he overcame the problems concerning ShinRa, and looked at the rest of the world in the eye as well. He went as far as Icicle on one of his missions, and then we learnt something new; Zack had never seen snow much, and he thought Icicle, as a snow country, was really beautiful. I don't think he ever knew that Aeris was born in Icicle.

Despite possessing enormous strength, he was still one who would choose peace over all else. How ironic. He wanted to join SOLDIER, but will not resort to fighting as far as possible? I was kind of wondering why he decided to scare off two of those wolf-monsters rather than kill them, which was the popular choice. The Turk accompanying him killed those that were after him/her. But not Zack. No, never Zack.

I wonder what he did during the Wutai war. Sephiroth would know.

It didn't leave him a changed man, apparently.

It's just so damned hard to get someone like him down, I fully understand why Cloud chose to impersonate Zack. He was not only his best friend and saviour, he was everything more.

Of course it was Zack.

He had to live his future for him, anyway.

For so long, Zack's efforts were all for Cloud. If he didn't do something with that opportunity handed to him by sheer luck, he would live with remorse and bitter regret. I'm sure. That's if he lives in the first place.

That was it. One more thing that totally broke him. Zack's spirit lived in Cloud, except that it went totally wrong. I think Aeris could see that rather easily. Tifa was troubled, but she didn't have that courage to voice out. Cloud, was living somewhere in the deep recesses of his own mind, and let Zack take over. He had spent too much time with him to know him well, inside out. He had sinned so much, and had decided to repay for his mistakes, though accidental, entirely by walking away, seeking escapism.

Zack had been such a friend to him, and Cloud knew it too.

But that was no way to repay a friend.