change doesn't stay the same

And so The Blog undergoes slight layout revamping, excuse the fact that it took me hours to find out how to change the colour of the header box and to actually choose the colour. Photo done by me, took on the day before the Semakau trip (to test the camera). Photoshop also done by me, to make it more layout-friendly. Pardon the inevitable feeling of self-satisfaction, though I don't know what's that all about.

I seem to have forgotten to address something yesterday, so I'll just mention it here.

Theory Exam is over!!! Which means that there's no more exams til next year! ^o^
Ah.. it was average... just guess when I don't know what to do. At least I don't leave it blank, right? (like I always do for "zao ju"; thank goodness that's all in the past)

Amd talking about the past, it's really past. i was just browsing through the older posts I posted at the start of the year and it doesn't sound like me anymore. Have I actually changed that much over the course of a year? I admit, there are plenty of times where I'd go OOC because I'm in hyper mood. That happens. (refer to random radioactive squirrel post a couple weeks back) But even the serious posts don't sound like me.

Well, imagine what went through my mind when I looked at the old reviews for fanfiction two years back. That was not me, seriously.

Which brings me to a point. That's the reason why I wanted to have this blog, why I needed this. It's to serve as a record for all the things I've done, to keep track of my memories, to trace all the changes that I've gone through, and to store all my memos directed to my brain and my future self.

That's why blogging holds a sort of importance to me, because it's nice to know that part of your old self is somewhere. I don't have many photos of the past, but at least I have my words, the words I used to say but will probably not say again. Maybe that's why I'm beginning to like taking photos for occasions -- to serve as a memory, in a more solid form. Words aren't tangible, but certainly more real than mere thoughts.

Thoughts always slip away. There has been countless times where I just forget what I was thinking a moment before, what I had wanted to say to someone. I don't even remember dreams anymore. They just slip away though my fingers the moment I begin to wake up. The more I grasp at it, the more it is intent on getting away.

It's so dangerous to just rely on thoughts, I'd thought a blog would do more good. That way I'll remember things past, both the good and bad, silly and the lame, sad and the opressed times.

If you look carefully, I really am aiming to convert it to some sort of memory archive. I like to link to relavent pages, in hope to give my posts more substance, and that I'll still be able to check and remember these sites again in the future.

That's also why I like people commentng on the posts, because I'm sure whatever's said would still be there for a while yet. I'm not sure if the tagboard archives the exchanges.

lol, at this rate I'm going, I'm sounding so much like Ritsuka. But honestly, that was my intention from the start. Kinda late to be mentioning only now, on the 107th post. And no, I'm not suffering from whatever split personality thingus. I'm just recording what happens when you move from being a child to a more mature woman. I'd mentioned this before, that maturity is a very strange thing. You start thinking things differently, and suddenly everything seems so troubling. It'll do me good to remember who I was before that happened. Or if that isn't possible, just observe who this strange person was before it morphed into "me".

I thought I had started a little late, but it doesn't seem so. Just look at the first few posts. Ah well, I have the older stuff in my diaries since I was really a child.

And if you're wondering why blog and not diary, it's because I never find time for diaries nowadays. If I'm not wrong, I only have one or two entries for the entire Primary Six year. Besides, blogging is more fun... since you have your own site, your own comments, and the risk of getting discovered. Heh. Wonderful things, all in one package.

So keep anticipating the future, but try not to forget to look back.