concerning sincerity and ability

What can I say? Busy...

Sheesh, I survived yet another week. April 8 was supposed to be one heck of a day, but then deadlines shifted, ... so I was left cleaning up the classroom. ^^;; I wonder whether anyone will actually notice any difference. I don't think so. Ah.. but that's me.

Haven't slept well for the past week. I slept around midnight everyday and there was one day when I slept only at 1 am in the morning and woke up a little later at 5+ to go to school. Life hates me. Why isn't there time to do stuff I want to? With all the talk on developing our "passion" and all, the irony lies where time is concerned. We don't have time to do things that we want to! Not to metion there's still those SIAs that I haven't gotten time to think about. o_O

And talking about passion... gomen gomen!! I am really very sorry for getting that lousy marks for my speech. It's a disgrace! I really didn't want to degrade you all by giving a bad speech. I will try harder! But I need a second chance. I will do better! Otherwise the problem may not really lie with me... I'm not sure. Don't worry, I will still show full support for you all! My undying support, and love!

*at this point, people think that Drax has gone insane, talking to an unknown audience*

Nyah... I still feel somewhat ashamed about the speech, and I REALLY wish to do better. I don't know what went wrong, but it's always like that. The more effort I put into doing something, the more others do not see it. Life is more or less something like that for me. I mean, I simpy wished and wished and prayed that I could give a good delivery of my speech, even after pacing around the school at 7 in the morning everyday just practicing it, plus recess, sometimes, too.

Unfortunately, effort doesn't mean reward. Perhaps reward lies in ability. Even after changing and beta reading my speech for about 7 times, maybe it doesn't matter, because it's all about ability. There people who probably settle with their second draft or third one, and scored well. They have gone appreciated. I clearly haven't. I'm trying really hard for Chinese, but I simply can't remember things well. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, but I like to wonder why sometimes people can achieve great things by only giving their 50%. I wish I could do that.

Maybe I have. In previous years. Did I really give it a lot of effort in my maths? I don't know. But this year I'm beginning to see that effort goes unnoticed. Rather often. I am absolutely obsessed with my passion. Maybe I lacked in ability to show that. I wish they didn't record the whole thing down. I can't get over it. I should have put in more effort, even if it still goes unnoticed. I wonder how many people are actually obesessed with their passion in class. Isn't that supposed to be a passion? I see a problem with myself though. Despite the obsession, I haven't gotten my Passionata ready. Why? I don't know.

It sems like I don't know a lot of things.

Isn't everyone the same?